It's Saturday and I feel I want to move, I want to connect, I want to talk and dance. I have no one. I just decided at 8pm. I look at the app and there are hundreds of matches. You are the latest one. We exchanged only two lines.
I browse over two profiles, with little reading and care but at the same time with some care, because I have good energy and high spirits and do not want to ruin it with the wrong match again. But how can one know who the right match is in these apps anyways, right?
So I browse with and without care, find some emojis that align with my mood (the dancing emoji) and I choose you. I will call this the emoji match!!
You reply a few days later and enthusiastically set up a date. Then I looked at your profile and pictures with more attention and felt “something”.
The day is here, and I find myself fretting over what to wear. I don't know what got into me to put sooo much “fret” over my outfit. I put all my closet out and try each cloth on and try to “feel” how I feel on them. Am I in this mood, or that mood? Do I want to be sexy, or casual, or sexy casual or …. cute, feminine, or imposing or… what do I feel like???? So I settled on sexy cute, I think. By the time I was done I was like… Whatever! Why do I even care? Why am I so nervous about this? This might be like any other date where the guy does not look like in the picture, or the guy is boring, or it's a totally non-interesting and draining encounter or .. why do I even care. So I say to myself that I don't, and that I dress to enjoy myself. And I went out the door and there you were… and you looked at me with your eyes, piercing through me like x-ray. I became so nervous that for a moment everything around me went blurry. I don't remember exactly what your complements were. I don't think I remember how I ended up sitting in the front seat of your car. And on we went and I was flustered.
We are in the restaurant and we talk. Maybe mostly I talk? But you talk, I talk, you ask, I ask and listen and I find myself absorbed in the conversation and flow …and your energy. I loved your energy. Like recognizing something familiar. Like something that is in me is also in you and they can feel each other, recognize each other…. and then, you asked me: What is my name? And I went absolutely blank! I do not remember your name!
For me, my way of experiencing things sometimes goes like, I immerse in the feeling of the experience. I can get lost in it, and do not remember all the specific words and details. I think I'm like an octopus when it comes to perception. I have like invisible tentacles that each have a brain of their own picking up on sensory information and transmitting it back to the main brain. Then I just know without knowing exactly how it was all collected, and arrive up there. So your name, at this point, was not as important for me as the moment we were having.
Then we went to the next venue. I remember you looking at me. Your eyes are still piercing, so sharp. I never avoid eye contact, but I feel all this attention, and words towards me. Like an overwhelming wave. I'm not used to being overwhelmed this way. There is music and we go to the front.
I remember you expressing all your likes and thoughts. What went through your mind and I liked that. Curiously, that made me shy? Me, shy? So the next thing to do is just move. I felt the music all through my body and danced. And you were next to me and you smiled and danced and talked and smiled and drank and danced and touched. And we touched. I honestly do not remember our first kiss. How exactly happened. What music, if I looked at you or you looked at me. Most likely we looked at each other. And then we kissed. Have a vague recollection. But when we did, I felt like time stopped and music faded. Like a scene in one of those movies. And then time moved fast again, and music came back and I came back to reality. That was sooo…. unexpected and so natural and so … magical to be honest.
Then I'm tired and my feet hurt, and only at the mention of this, you just go and remove your shoes??? Who does that?! Are you from this world or you just came out of one of those gentleman books? I'm suspicious now, but I do not have too much brain left after so many tequilas. But I'm like…. Hmmmm … who are you? I do not remember where we parked, or what car you have or even the colour. All I felt was that I didn't want the night to end yet, so on we went to the seaside. And we sat. Well, we pee first and sit and talk, and kiss, and kiss and kiss and kiss. You give me all of your coats on the way back… make me suspicious again of all of your attention. Is this even real, I’m thinking? Honestly. Then we are at the door of my building again and I go.
I feel excited. Like I just lived a fairy tail. I feel like I'm flying softly, because I'm drunk and cannot fly straight. But I'm flying. My heart’s wings are flapping with excitement until they fall asleep.
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